Brace thyselves for a mother’s rant. If you don’t want to hear a rant, then… you know, close the browser, check facebook, find a cat being hilarious and adorable on YouTube… you know the drill. I don’t often solicit comments on my blog, but… Moms (and Dads!) out there? I’m all ears for you advice, ideas, or empathy.
Frustration around Scarlet’s daycare is not entirely new. Generally, I’ve been happy with them. I like the quality of the facilities; I like most of the teachers personally; and most of all – I feel like Scarlet has really liked it there. Sure, the über-rigid policies have been driving me crazy basically since we started. Like the time they forgot to give me a form that her doctor needed to sign until the 11th hour, and then the next morning, they told me I was not allowed to leave the premises until the fax came through… Or the time I miraculously got Scarlet there about 5 minutes early and they wouldn’t let me leave until the clock struck the correct minute… Or when they made me call in every single week to reserve an additional hour because they "couldn’t" put it in the contract (even though it was available). Yeah, frustration is nothing new. However…
This is different. About a month and a half ago, I was handed an “incident report” because another toddler bit Scarlet. I asked a few questions, like whether she had provoked it or fought back (she hadn’t), and otherwise was 100% understandable and laughed it off. I know it’s something that happens at this age, and truthfully, I was just glad Scarlet wasn’t the biter.
I was equally understandable the second time. The third time, I was internally frustrated, but didn’t feel the need to ream out the teacher just to quell my own frustration. The fourth time (the very next day), I essentially said, “Okay, this is obviously unacceptable… what are you doing about this?” I was given a mildly infuriating speech about teethers and reading books about “teeth are not for biting” (digression: teeth ARE for biting… just not biting other children. The stupid bite-fixing books are not only utterly ineffective, they’re also evidently factually inaccurate), and “shadowing.” I figured expressing my concern was sufficient to encourage them to keep a closer eye on the situation. Wrong.
Today, I got a call to inform me of bite number SIX. Six. 6. One more than five. VI. SIX!!! I got on the phone with the director and was given the same infuriating speech - complete with teethers and factually inaccurate books. As if it’s not problematic enough that my child is being accosted in their care, they also feel it appropriate to make me sit there and spend ten minutes listening to all that useless rubbish? Insult to injury, my friends. And a really good way to turn an upset parent a furious one.
I ultimately asked the director who was accountable for making sure this isn’t repeated. She responded that she was, that it was “[her] job to make sure all of the kids in their care were safe.” Then I asked her if she knew what “accountable” meant (I know, a little snarky…but do you really blame me?!) and she said yes, but then proceeded to tell me that there was “nothing that she could do.” So, given how that is also factually inaccurate and the ultimate line to shirk responsibility… the question wasn’t totally out of line.
Okay. I know my little blog doesn’t have a wide enough readership to garner the crazy angry commenters that you see on other sites, but nonetheless, let me be clear. I sympathize with everyone in this situation. I honestly do. I am sure the biter’s parents are upset to get those reports, and I’m sure the teachers have all the best intentions and are frustrated with the whole situation (though I don’t know about this director…). I think this hardly needs to be said, but of course I don’t blame the other toddler. He’s a toddler. I do understand that some kids go through this phase and it is unfortunate for everyone. Sure.
But at the end of the day – it is Scarlet who’s walking around with multiple bruises and teeth marks all over her body. I drop her off in the morning and walk out thinking, “I really hope she’ll be safe in there today.” This is just not right. While sometimes situations are universally unfortunate, I think we need to examine who is paying the ultimate cost.
One obvious option would be to say, “kick the biter out of daycare!” I think this should be a last resort, but I do think we’re approaching it in this case. I know from talking to other parents that Scarlet isn’t the only one getting bites, and this has been going on for a long time now. It is a terrible thing for the parents, and again, my sympathies go out to them. But it makes more sense to put the cost of an unfortunate situation onto the parents of the kid causing the problem. They might have a limited ability to make it better, (do I need to say I sympathize again?), but even if they have no ability at all, their kid is causing the problem. It sucks. But it should be their problem, not mine. Not Scarlet’s arms and back and neck. Not every other innocent little kid in there.
Alternatively, I think the daycare needs to bring in another staff member to field this kid and his anxious teeth away from unsuspecting limbs and necks affixed to other children, at least until this serial biting habit gets resolved. Whatever “shadowing” they’re doing is clearly not enough to actually prevent the situation from repeating. They need more adults in there. It’s a financial burden on the daycare, yes, but, again, they are there - the only adults in a position to rectify the situation. They are responsible. They are literally being paid to keep kids safe and the kids aren’t safe… So, hello? Doesn’t it make sense for the cost to fall onto them?
Obviously, the best solution is to get Scarlet the hell out of there, and I did find a new place to take her, but they can’t fit her in until September, so for now, we’re stuck there. I don’t want to start spewing about taking legal action (gawd, such a law-student approach to take), but I am losing my mind feeling like there is nothing I can do about this and Scarlet is going to (a) keep getting attacked, and (b) learn to bite! Arrrrrgggghhhh!!
Thoughts???
