Still going strong and growing larger by the day over here!
I met my new doctor, and I positively love him - he's extremely warm, keen to avoid "over medicalizing" pregnancy (♥), and really, really seems to care deeply for his patients... even to the point of tearing up as he recalled some of the hardships they've faced when people said things to scare or scold them. Indeed, he really emphasized his warning about how pregnant women walk around with unwitting targets on their backs, and many people have the unfortunate habit of intruding on a pregnant woman's privacy to tell her all the things she's doing wrong, everything that could possibly go wrong, and all the many many terrifying or awful things that are likely to happen to her or her baby. Lovely.
So far, I have had only one or two really bad occasions when I've found myself thoroughly uncomfortable and trying to plot an escape from someone who decided to start telling me about every sad or horrific childbirth story they'd ever heard of - it baffles me that people can go on and on in this way and not realize that they're standing in front of someone who is plopped on a nonstop train heading straight for childbirth whether she's ready or not, and chances are there's already plenty of fear or trepidation. Or maybe she's one of the lucky few who's managing (or at least trying) to avoid this super common fear.... Either way, if you thought it through, would you really be so actively trying to amp up her fear?? If you met a person about to head into open heart surgery, would your instinct be to tell him all the things that could kill him while he's under?? Baffling.
In fact, generally speaking, I've noticed that there is this fascinating tick in society where nearly everyone who comes within the five-foot radius of a pregnant lady feels obligated to comment or strike up conversation, yet almost no one knows how in the world to handle pregnancy. It's like a force beyond them kicks off the chat with the classic, cheerful, and well-meaning "When is the baby coming?" But it isn't until after they receive the answer to this one simple question that it occurs to them that every other detail they can think of regarding pregnancy seems inappropriate, embarrassing, or extremely personal.
They then quickly flounder on what to say next, until they're completely drowning in the discomfort of treading so perilously near subjects like sex lives, weight gain, excruciating pain, bodily functions, bodily fluids, overtly personal choices etc. etc. Eventually, their discomfort hits critical mass and totally overrides their capacity to control the otherwise exceedingly useful filter of things flying out of their mouths, and they just start free associating anything they can think of regarding pregnancy - whether this entails asking outrageously personal questions, sharing very personal stories (or mundane anecdotes - its always one or the other) of their poor sisters, friends, or sister's-friend's-cousins, or throwing decency to the wind and opting for the above mentioned fear amplifiers.
Honestly, it depends on my mood - which, thanks to my new friends pregnancy hormones, is predictably unpredictable - whether I find this positively entertaining, mildly amusing, sort of annoying, or quite insulting...
My best advice to all you out there plagued with this very common tick that makes you feel the need to strike up a chat with the next bulging belly you see... When you inevitably feel the cold sliding panic of Oh my God, what do I say now?? just stick with the good old, "Well you look beautiful," and walk away. Or you could run.
xx
